Out of My Depth (but loving it!)
Sep 24, 2025
Jenny Baxter’s experience of five days of silence
What were we doing here?
A five-day silent retreat! What on earth had we signed up for? I was a bit nervous, to be honest. A single day of silent retreat seemed a bit over the top, let alone five! But we were as ready as we could be for a week set aside to explore with God about what the future held in store for us.
The retreat centre, Penhurst, is not far from the town of Battle, where the Battle of Hastings was fought in England’s south-east. On this early spring day, Stephen and I drove up to the stately old manor house. It was set in extensive gardens and had incredible views of the surrounding countryside. A group of local volunteers care for this place, enabling people to come from the world over for retreats, or missions and ministry down-time. Certainly, a labour of love.
We gathered with our lovely retreat leader, Melanie, and seven others that Sunday evening for a meal and a chat. She briefed us about what we were expected to do, or not do, during the week ahead.
A Baptist minister, Melanie described herself as “a retreat junkie”, clearly loving what she does. “I enjoy the sense of walking with Jesus that people feel while they’re here,” she explained.
She talked for a while about what the week would look like, and ended with the encouragement, “It’s also important to remember that while we will be living together in silence, your presence is a gift to the other retreat participants.” This proved to be so true. We were silent, but not alone.
“Be still, and know that I am God”Psalm 46:10 (NIV)
Finding Our Rhythm in Silence – out of my depth
We shared devotions that first evening, led by Melanie. We would repeat this gathering, both morning and evening every day. At those times we could “break silence” if we wanted. Each person was also allocated a pastoral care worker. We met for up to 45-minutes every day to check on progress, offer prayer, and timely guidance and wisdom.
Janet, my pastoral care person, wrote me an email a couple of weeks before the retreat. I discovered she had been praying for me. She suggested some Bible verses to ponder as I prepared for the week. The passage she sent from Ezekiel 47, was incredibly apt, and ended up becoming the focus of my retreat. It talked about trusting “the man” as Ezekiel walked in ever-increasing depths of water. Eventually, he was out of his depth.
The message to me was to know I would be safe, even if I felt out my depth. Those were encouraging words to hold onto as my next large project unfolded over the coming months.
Challenges create strength
The hardest, or perhaps funniest, moments were at mealtimes, when we all sat down together around one large table. Yes, in complete silence. We discovered body language is definitely a language! We learnt to anticipate each other’s needs, passing water, salt, pepper, and extra cutlery as needed. The funniest moment came the day we had roast pork for lunch. We had been joined that day by someone else, himself on a 24-hour silent retreat. He couldn’t quite believe our mirth as we crunched our crackling in the quiet room. We were hardly able to stop from cracking up with laughter!
While Stephen and I shared a room, even then, we elected to maintain silence. Melanie did suggest we might plan a signal, so we could leave the property to talk if that became necessary. This became our post-meal eye contact habit. We didn’t need to chat the first few days. However, by mid-week, our walks around the block became an essential part of our retreat experience.
This meant we were strengthened in our personal walk with God, as well as in our relationship with each other. We discussed many issues raised by our times of silence, and made some fresh decisions for our future together.
“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul”Psalm 23:2-3 (NIV)
Going Deeper with God
Was I really out of my depth? By the middle of the week, I didn’t want the time to ever end. The awareness of Jesus walking with me, or perhaps wading with me, connecting and communing, was inspiring, invigorating, and delightful! It was a slow race to the end. By Friday, having received the clarity and peace I’d been seeking, I felt equipped and ready. It was time to re-enter the world, and to trust Jesus with my future.
Retreats are not for everyone, especially silent retreats which can play havoc for those with mental health issues. Hence the need for guidance at times. However, there are so many benefits I would encourage anyone who can to take some time away on retreat. No matter how short or long, a retreat brings spiritual nourishment and refreshing. Sometimes, it’s the only way to move forward.
As the sign on the dining room door at Penhurst proclaimed:
Jenny Baxter is the State Leader for EmpowHer for women.
She attends Hobart Baptist Church.
Out of my depth
Go back to Heartlands Spring 2025
Out of my depth